She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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