sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
