Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize