Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
