Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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