your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
