If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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