Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
