well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize