Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
