Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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