Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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