We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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