Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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