Sponge bath it is.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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