why do cheetos always look like penises
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
