I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
