Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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