Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
