the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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