she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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