there was a trapeze. enough said
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
