Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
