There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
