Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
