Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
