Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
