Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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