She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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