Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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