We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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