one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
