Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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