You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
