either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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