I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
