sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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