I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
