Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think a kid would responsible me up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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