i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
