Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
