I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you never un-have a 4some
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
