you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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