I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
