i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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