it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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