I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
