i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
