I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
