she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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