The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
