Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
