The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
