the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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