I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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