Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
