does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize