You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
