i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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