I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
