Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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