My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
