Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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