girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
