if only i could text you this smell
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just pee around me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
