ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
